Tuesday, January 31, 2006

There's a pair of DJ head phones attached to this P.C. and when you put them on your head without music you can hear the bass beats of your own heart. It makes me feel like I am waking from a coma in a green hospital room. Though nothing about this room is green.
I just came in from a drive with Scott, our first actually. It was an intimidating idea when it was first brought up, I didnt really feel up to a challenge, then I looked at his face and felt that if I was going to die in a firey auto crash there is no one I would want to be with more in a moment like that anyways. So we had a whirl.
Earlier, my sister and I were talking about 2 different view on "the big question". To believe in God or Socialism and Anarchy and how believing in God means getting justice and gratification in the afterlife, so it doesnt matter what happens here and now, and how Socialism/Anarchy is about having justice and gratification in the here and now because there is no afterlife, see, you get the picture because I am so good at elaborations that they call me 'Natalie The Vague'.
Now, I am going to watch the Young and the Restless. There may be some knitting, Dr. Phil reading, wine and pills immediately after. As I typed the preceding lines I was asking myself, what goes on with me? Who am I? A middle aged divorcee? But before I could get too overturned I remembered how diverse and open minded I am, all is well.
*Tug Tug*

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Youcantgetshotinthebackifyoudontrun


Im sitting here smoking, squishing the gummy mouse pad wrist helper thingy thinking on how to start this. Beginnings are hard. Hard, but better than most endings.
I'm feeling a little sick to be honest. I dunno if its just heart burn or something deeper. So much has changed over the last month and some nights I'm overwhelmed and wonder how I will keep up. Time chases me. I have been plagued with nightmares for endless weeks. I wake up exhausted and drained of all persona and creativity. The hardest thing we all have to do is face our fears, our demons, our selves. With a list a mile long and another new beginning, the third chapter unfolds..............
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